Screwed.edu
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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