This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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