I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
