Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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