my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
