What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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