When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
