It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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