Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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