My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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