He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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