I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
