I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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