i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
