I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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