Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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