Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
