You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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