Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
