then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I enjoy the company of your penis
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
