That's intense
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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