PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
