# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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