I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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