I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
