I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
