See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My ass is underappreciated
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
