I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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