I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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