What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize