thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
