I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
