Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
