you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
