Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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