I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
