Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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