What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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