I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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