I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
