and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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