God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
