dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
