That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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