So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
