i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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