his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
