She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
