Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
