a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
