The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think my vagina is haunted
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
