I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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