Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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