update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
