forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
