Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
