i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
