i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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