I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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