she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
