R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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