and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
