After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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