I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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