Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
