Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
